Can’t we Get Along?

Dear Diary,

So, two women, Euodia and Syntyche were loyal and faithful followers of Christ; they had labored together in the ministry; they were both heirs of eternal life; but they couldn’t see eye to eye! Why do I feel like Philippians 4:2 got me trapped! I have a friend I’ve been in constant, back-to-back conflicts with. It feels frustrating and gives me depressing moods, feelings and emotions. So, yester night it weighed heavily on me and I began praying for forgiveness and also for God to show me what I have be doing to fuel the conflict and help me take responsibility.

Certainly unity is critical for the spread of the gospel, besides, getting along is inevitable since we’d be seeing each other forever-in eternity. I believe that there is no broken relationship that is beyond the hope of God’s goodness. Conflicts can be resolved; sometimes we might need to seek the counsel of godly and wise friends to help us resolve our unending squabbles.

Facts and practical things to do in a situation of conflict

It is human to rub each other the wrong way at times, to feel irritable, angry, anxious and disappointed. Our approaches to problem solving will determine if the conflict will be destructive or constructive.

1. For the sake of the Lord, we must be intentional about getting along. If we don’t, we harm the Lord’s reputation; we hamper fellowship and worship; we handicap the body of Christ and our peace is affected.
2. God wants us to learn and be willing to get along. In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ taught that if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift, Matt 5:23-24.
3. It is also clear that as much as we have conflicts with each other, we do not have to parade it to everyone. Seek to work thing out with each other, and if necessary, seek an arbitrator in church, 1 Cor 6:1-8.
4. Take responsibility for your own behaviour. Do not always act the victim and others villains. Pride, stubbornness, defensiveness, aggressive tactics, unrealistic expectations, pettiness, insensitivity, judgmental spirit, twisting the reality, concluding that you know the other person’s motives without giving him/her benefit of doubt, bitterness, unforgiveness, using hurtful words, waiting for the other person to make the first move contribute to and fuel conflicts. Admit your responsibilities and take a step towards reconciliation.
5. Turn the searchlights of prayer on your own heart, attitudes and actions and choose your battles wisely; go on your knees and pray about the relationships involved and for wisdom to settle the squabbles. Pray for and expect God’s peace to fill you.
6. Lower the temperatures by speaking gently and calmly. Aggressiveness and harshness are destructive. When there is a need to confront a problem it is always good to:

·         Assert the positive, with sincerity and unambiguously

·         Confess your own responsibility in fuelling the conflict;

·         Explain the issue rather than attacking the person;

·         Focus on the main issue don’t go to ancient Timbuktu and back unnecessarily;

·         Avoid blaming and judging the other person;

·         Finally, extend grace to the other person.

Yours faithful scribbler,

NzakuNashipae